'HERE kitty, kitty, kitty!' I croon into the shadows of this wild city nature reserve where a growling beast may well lurk somewhere in the gloom.
My search for the Tolladine Beast or, as some call it, the Warndon Wildcat, in Gorse Hill and Elbury Mount Local Nature Reserve does not begin auspiciously.
Venturing into the wilderness from Troutbeck Drive, I almost step into a pile of poo. Is it panther poo? I don't know. Someone must. I don't. No, I'm not getting any closer. Where is Steve Irwin, God rest him, when you need him?
Onward and upward. Some magpies flit across my line of sight - two for joy. A good omen perhaps. No, more poo. Swift as a tiger, I step to one side just in time. People should really pick up after their pets. Most of the poo bags seem to be hanging from the trees like ghastly Tim Burton Christmas tinsel. Only three months to go now.
Now is perhaps a good time to remind you why I'm here. There have been a number of big cat sightings across Worcestershire recently, including a scary encounter in this reserve which is the highest point in the city.
We reported last week how a woman, who did not wish to be named, fled the reserve with her two powerful dogs after twice hearing a loud growling from two different points within the reserve's woodland.
This place is far wilder than I expected. It's a veritable jungle of narrow paths snaking through the trees and bushes. I feel something like Theseus venturing into the labyrinth but with no spool of wool to lead me out again if I get lost.
Now, where is my minotaur and, if the worst comes to the worst, will I be able to slay the monster with this biro?
I've braved the Bigg Market in my native Newcastle where I've encountered many a ferocious feline in her native habitat. This beast surely has nothing on a Geordie lass.
Believe me when I say the elusive Beast of Bodmin Moor would flee in terror at the very sight and the Loch Ness Monster would dive into the depths, never to be seen again.
I've pounded the streets of Ronkswood, Dines Green, Warndon and Tolladine on the hunt for stories. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe - narrowboats drifting out of control on the River Severn, burglars leaping over rooftops, police officers chopping a full sized pair of flip-flops in half. I've got this.
Reaching the top of the hill I see movement. Is it the beast, angered by my intrusion into its lair? It's a cat! Is it a big cat? Well, size is all relative I'm told. No, it's really not that big. I can't lie. The creature advances and gives me a friendly purr. A mixture of relief and disappointment washes over me.
I sheathe my biro safely in my pocket. This lovely little thing is not my quarry.
I'll be back beast, mark my words. I know you're out here, somewhere. I did ask a resident who lived nearby if she had seen anything of the mysterious creature but she would attest to nothing scarier than foxes and badgers.
"I've never seen a big cat. I've seen lots of domestic cats. There could be a big domestic cat in there," she said.
Seriously though, it may surprise you to learn I do believe big cats prowl in Britain and in Worcestershire in particular.
I also believe more incontrovertible evidence will present itself at some point. After all, we're not talking about some mythical beast here from the pages of legend.
Big cats are real. We all know the rich and powerful have a penchant for exotic pets.
In 1976 the Government introduced the Dangerous Wild Animals Act to protect the public and ensure the animals were cared for properly.
When the bill came into force owners were faced with a stark choice: get a licence and improve the facilities (which costs money); give their pet to a zoo or authorised keeper; have the animal put down.
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Once the zoos could not cope, some owners would inevitably have set their pets free rather than put them down. Reputable organisations like the NFU and the Worcestershire Wildlife Trust have not discounted the existence of these magnificent predators in the wilds of Britain.
But they have, quite logically and with eminent good sense, asked for more proof of their existence. Much of the images and footage I've seen so far is grainy, out of focus and too distant.
What strikes me is how intelligent and articulate people are who have experienced sightings.
These people do not strike me as fantasists or conspiracy theorists and there are simply too many sightings, in my view, for there to be no grain of truth in these accounts.
As the great Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once said: "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."
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